Hey you guys, I'm back and I've got so many blogs that I want to share with you all. So make sure you all keep your eyes peeled on the blog, as there's sure a lot for me to write for you all.
It's been a few days, well to be precise it's been just over a week since I last wrote a blog for you all... I bet you have all been wondering where I've been, right?
You know I love making you wait, as I love the fact that you all play the guessing game, wondering what I've been up to.
You've probably seen from my social media's that Scott has been back down to the Island for a few days. If you haven't guessed why, I'm going to continue making you wait as that's definitely something I have to share with you in another blog soon.
Recently, I've been asked the same question a lot, regarding how I make a long distance relationship work. So I thought, what better way than to share how I make mine and Scott's relationship work, than on a blog. That way, you can all see my top tips can't you?
To start off with I had to share a few quotes of mine that are definitely my favourites. It's always important to me to share quotes as they stay in my mind, and words pretty much nail everything I have to say.
The quote is dead, right ? Why should we let distance determine our feelings? We shouldn't! No matter how far away a friend, family member or your partner is it shouldn't change how we feel about that person!
Many people straight away believed that a long distance relationship is never going to work! I remember my parents were very worried for me in the beginning as they knew I'd struggle with the distance from Scott, as he means the world to me. They were right to worry, it's their job and secondly of course it's a massive struggle. There's not a day that goes by where I don't miss or need him, the only good thing is that he's only a phone call away. I mean, people seem to be so against long distance relationships, and that's okay as it's your opinion, but it's my job to let you know that it's not as hard as you think.
That's not me saying it will be easy, as it's definitely not! Nobody said that life is going to be easy though, did they?
1) The way Scott and I look at things is that, life is a challenge and during life we're all faced with challenges to overcome! Scott, isn't a challenge, (I knew he'd be reading this and thinking exactly that!) there's no way he's a challenge ha-ha! I'd say it's more of me being the challenge as I like to have things organised and us girls tend to be a little bossy compared to boys! Ha-ha! But no seriously, I would say the challenge is staying with that one person who you love more than anything, through the rocky roads of your long distance relationship! If you two can overcome that challenge it certainly shows off how much love you have for one another, doesn't it?
2) Emotions and feelings really play a key role in this without a doubt. You both could start to feel lonely and sad, this tends to create doubt and worry. Of course, the extra distance does make many things unachievable. There's no doubt that things get complicated due to emotions!
However, I would say that the disadvantages of your feelings certainly balance out as the little things such as holding each other's hands are definitely appreciated more, and from our personal experience, we definitely make the most of the time we have together. The simplest things are the sweetest, it's even down to having a meal out together or cooking a meal together, being able to hold each other, feeling each other's touch, going on a walk together and smelling each other's aftershave or perfume. All these small little things add up and suddenly mean so much more to one another.
3) I would definitely try to avoid excessive communication, you two don't really have to spend twelve hours on the phone in order to keep the relationship going. It's always, something Scott and I have been fairly good at from day one as we don't spend every minute of every day talking to each other. It's unhealthy and possessive. I always find it more enjoyable knowing I have a set time to call Scott for example after I've finished work or after he has finished university for the day. It's thought, that many couples believe that they need to compensate for the distance by talking to each other on the phone more, but this is by far from the truth, it may make things worse as you will run out of things to say.
It sounds terrible, but there is a saying that 'less is more'... It's difficult because all I want to do is pick the phone up and give Scott a phone call, but I have other things to do such as going to work and blogging, not forgetting to make time for my family and friends. I'm not saying don't make time for your partner because it's vital that you do, just try to avoid from exhausting yourselves.
It's always good to tease one another, for example make them wait for a phone call. Get your jobs done and then spend the rest of the night talking to your partner. All human beings, love the unexpected... Remember that!!
4) Plans for the future are definitely a way of keeping your relationship on track as it shows your partner that you still have an interest, as well as making your relationship feel fresh and new. There's always a new opportunity during a relationship; it's just up to you if you want to grab it with both hands.!
"If you want to live together, you first need to learn how to live apart." Pretty much, one of my favourite quotes ever. It's honestly so true, personally I could pick my life up now and move in with Scott, as it's the easier option; going back to what I said before, life is a challenge and if you can manage being a part from you partner it will be as easy as one... two... three... to live with them!
It was time to take a little break as there's so much writing for you all to read. I don't want you to think it's an essay, so I've included another favourite quote of mine as it fits in like a missing puzzle piece.
5) Moving on swiftly. My next top tip is to set some ground rules for you both. I would advise you to have done this before your partner moved away, but it's still manageable to do so when your partner has already left. Both of you need to be clear with each other and with what you both expect from each other during the distance. Set ground rules, so neither of you will be upset or angry, with what the other person has done.
A key example of this would be if another partner went out on dates during your long distance relationship. I know if Scott ever did that I'd be running up to Hull to sort him out most likely followed by his parents and mine too. Of course, vice versa if I had done the same! In other words, are you two exclusive? Is it alright for the other person to go on dates? Discuss the commitment level?
From my point of view, I would never say it's okay for Scott to go on other dates. I would hit the roof, I know for a fact Scott would do the same too! It's never acceptable for you to see another person if your in a relationship in my eyes, but sometimes other people have different views.
It's one hundred percent better to be open with each other about all of these things, as if you don't, you may find yourselves in situations like these.
6) Don't be afraid to pick the phone up. Just because you don't want to be possessive doesn't mean you shouldn't care at all. I would always suggest greeting each other with a 'good morning' and 'good night' every single day!! Make sure you're updating your partner on your life and keeping them in the loop as sometimes they may feel very left out. With technology these days, you can send each other selfies or video call your partner. Through putting in this kind of effort you make the other person feel loved, and wanted, and trust me that's a great feeling!
7) Avoid arguments, of course this is a very tricky concern but it's manageable trust me. For instance, if you have plans to go out clubbing or to stay at a friends for a girly night or a lads night on the xbox, make sure you inform your partner. I would say it's more important when it comes to a night out drinking, as the jealousy factor sure comes into the game. I would say it's best to tell your partner so their aware of your plans. Tell them in order to reassure them, don't be careless about this matter because your partner will only be extra worried or suspicious. Again, this isn't because you aren't trusted by your partner, it's just because as humans, we worry. Plus the fact, you are putting him/her in a position where they feel extra powerless. Just be truthful and let them in on your plans!
8) Making time to see each other is so important. As you're all aware, I have taken trips up to see Scott and he has come down to see me too. It does get harder each time when we leave each other, as our hearts grow fonder by the day. Though, I love the fact we enjoy every moment we have together. Perhaps, share interests with one another, recommend a film to watch or share feelings. Don't be afraid to include your partner, in fact they will love you more for doing so!
I found this image on my instagram and I think it's simply beautiful!
9) Do you both have a goal in mind? What would you both like to achieve at the end of the day? Do you know how long you will be apart? What's your future plans? There are so many questions that you both have to try to aim to answer. I know the answers for mine and Scott's do you know yours? The truth is, no couple can be in a long distance relationship for forever as eventually we all need to settle down.
Buy a calender, make a timeline... Estimate the times apart and times you spend together, then draw an end goal, and make it last! Make sure you both are on the same page, don't turn over the page without both of you being there!!
(He-he, I'm not being soppy but I thought this was super sweet!!)
10) Enjoy your alone time and your time with your family and friends. Looking back to when, Scott and I discussed distance, it was kind of hard but yet to some degree it was acceptable, as we all like time with ourselves don't we? Remember, your not alone. Take this time in your life to spend time with your friends and family, and even find a new hobby. There are plenty of things for you to do that doesn't involve your partner as, well as the fact that keeping busy will keep your mind occupied and time will fly by without you realizing.
11) One of my most vital top tips is to stay honest with each other. Honesty and trust play a huge part of your relationships. Be honest with each other, open up and discuss your feelings. Talk about your insecurities, jealousy and whatever else. Don't try to deal with things all by yourself. Allow your partner to help you and provide you with the support that you would like.
12) Have you ever considered writing a letter? Take a throwback to the old days and be traditional! Grab a pen and paper and start handwriting some love letters. It's the thought that counts!
13) I'm not soppy, well maybe I am a tad but finding cute couple inspirational quotes always make me smile. I end up sending them straight onto Scott, and then things like the above become plans for when we next see each other!!
Wow, that's my top tips to make a long distance relationship work. I hope this has helped you all, keep smiling and being positive as it will work out!!
Lots of love, Anya xx
