Hey...
Before I begin writing this blog I would just like to take the time to thank those of you who are in my life who encourage me that it's okay and support me by showing me continuous love and care!
You know who you all are! I truly mean it when I say thank you!
So it's now two months since I started writing this post... As you can see I have been busy documenting my on going battle with being anaemic for quite a while.
It's something I've wanted to capture perfectly as once I have spoken about it, I never truly wish to speak of it again unless I am helping others.
It's something you can live with, you shouldn't fear it to that degree as those who suffer with being anaemic are lucky it's not something that isn't curable. We're lucky! It's important to remember this and to be appreciative of that!
I suppose, this is one of the reasons why I found myself giving up on attending Doctors Appointments because I believed the help should be given to more serious cases.
It's still an illness and for those who suffer with Anaemia or B12 Deficiency you will understand more than anyone.
I found that this was the perfect opportunity to talk you through how I have felt or currently feel when I have my bad days but also when I have my good days!...
Though, it must be said that it's not an easy thing for me to do which is why I have waited two and a half years to share this blog post with you all as for me as a blogger it's vital that I share my point from a writer's perspective but also as a human being.
I'm also here twenty four seven to respond to any messages you guys have in regards to this blog post as it's important your listened too and most importantly with that not just listened too but heard!
As, being listened too is slightly different to being heard due to the fact I have had many appointments at the Doctors surgery where they're aware I have a low iron deficiency and a possible case of B12 and a long list of medication to take for being anaemic but as your symptoms grow so does your patience and believe me it's very thin as they throw another blood test at you which you know will lead to another appointment and then after that appointment another assessment.... BLAH BLAH BLAH!
It's a constant on-going battle!
I'm sure there are cases like this all over the world so please contact me to discuss your situation!
It's an endless vicious circle.
Many of times, I have been in tears bed bound with sickness or dizzy heads!...
People judge you, they stare at you and point the finger suggesting you aren't unwell your just lazy. They have no idea, until you suffer these symptoms then they can judge you!
I eventually realised that I shouldn't worry myself over silly comments from those who have no impact on your life.
Being bed bound, isn't as easy as you think it is. I found myself becoming irritated with myself and I truly lost confidence in myself too.
If you hadn't figured out by now, I deliberately opened the blog with this photo as it captures opinions towards myself.
It shows me on a good day!
When I'm 'me' 'myself' having a good day, I am everything a normal twenty year old girl is.
Being a blogger, does mean I am under the public eye and initially I struggled as I pushed myself way too much now I have learned that I can only do so much.
If I wish to wear a hoodie and no make-up I will. If I wish to not publish three or four blogs a week because I am feeling too poorly then I won't though that makes me sad, I have to advise you all as well as myself to ensure that you put your health first! That's very important!
I know, this blog post is a little jumpy from time to time but there's a very good reason behind that as I've not intended on it being perfect for the message I am wishing to portray with this blog!
My message to everybody out there is to not judge someone. To not jumped to conclusions. Just because somebody looks perfectly fine in a selfie or in person it doesn't mean they truly are.
For example, every day I put my makeup on too hide my pale complexion and my baggy eyes to show the world that I am okay but to tell myself I am fine as well!
Sometimes, you need to allow yourselves to not be!
I may be the normal teenager who goes out with friends on late night drives or who heads to Essex in the search for Towie stars but realistically I am still the girl who throws up in the morning or the girl who can't physically sleep till early hours of the morning but still rushes up for work. Or the girl who suffers with vertigo on a day to day basis or the girl who can't seem to finish eating a whole meal. I'm that girl too!
At high school, early stages of my anaemia had started but I wasn't aware.
Incredible amounts of weight-loss had started taking place, though I wasn't ware until my family and close friends had concerns. I thought it was because I had been dieting and taking an interest in my sport classes. Incorrect! I was fasting like typical lazy teenagers do, we all go through it with the belief that you'll look like Kate Moss and keep that appearance for the rest of your life.
The shock of knowing I had damaged my body hit home, following an illness which is reoccurring.
I openly, admit that I struggle with eating... I clearly do have an eating disorder though I tend to try and avoid believing or accepting I have. I do eat, I struggle. You have to remember that being brave enough to know you have something wrong is an achievement as only then you can become well again.
Since, high school I moved to sixth form and gradually my anaemia grew worse. My close friends, mainly Charlie and Sophie were aware and honestly Charlie become a rock to me as she encouraged me to attend hospital/doctor appointments and often offered to attend them with me to keep a healthy balance though I was far too stubborn and had the belief that I could gradually fix everything and not continue to eat small quantities or feel dizzy or fall asleep at the table constantly.
The pressures that pile on your body are huge! We truly, don't realise until something unprepared for happens!
I now feel confident in talking about being anaemic as I feel empowered to help others or to try and lead them to other pathways rather than following the steps I took as I buried myself away believing my weight would pile back on and I would stop feeling tired twenty four seven and start sleeping instantly at night times as well as eating normally again!
I feel happy to know that it's okay to take my medication and freely speak of it without the fear of your peers judging you as they aren't even around anymore.
I feel free to walk into a crowd and express that I struggle with certain things as that makes me more of a human than hiding myself to become someone I'm not!
Constantly, we see images of celebrities where they've been warn down because they have gained a few pounds or they have worn a hoodie out in public without any make-up! SO FREAKING WHAT! GET OVER IT!
There are many stories inside the book rather than the ones you just presume are there from the front of the cover. Start reading instead of judging the front!
With now disclosing how on a day to day I feel, I truly hope I have opened up many doors to those of you who have suffered or who still are suffering with being anaemic or any other illness to have the courage to tell a loved one or anybody for that matter of how you truly feel!
Be brave enough to say your not feeling well as that's when things can be fixed again!
P.S -
Thank you all for taking the time to stop and listen! It's taking me a while to create this blog post as a few changes have been made here and there. I haven't shared many photos in this blog as I have tried to keep it as simple as possible to share many messages with you all!
I pray this has helped you to understand my life a little more and my battle. But also to help yourselves!
Much Love As Always.....
x
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